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Your carneira wears part of your soul as a ribbon in her hair forever.

-saying among Malkieri men

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My Uncle's Wise-Arse Comments
Well, most of my immediate family knows I run wotmania. But none of them have read WoT, and I really don't think they ever will. But naturally that doesn't stop them from visiting the site from time to time, just to look around. The best example is my Uncle Jeff. Right now he's doing some type of sales for a company that distributes natural gas to businesses... Or something. He was complaining I hadn't updated this page in a long time, but that should stop now - as it's now tied to a backend database and his funniest stuff will be appearing all the time now. He's the old guy in the picture at right, taken about three years ago when I was just finishing my undergrad degree...

Almost every day he stops by wotmania to make some comments regarding the QuickPoll or random quotes that appear on the site. Below are some of his most entertaining comments. I suppose without knowing him, some might not be that funny. But these e-mails always give me a good laugh. And I cannot stress this enough - he knows NOTHING about WoT!



Who should have trained Aviendha to wield the One Power?
Yoda.

Madness waits for some. It creeps up on others.
People reading WoT are born with it.

Will Siuan and Gareth Bryne get married in Winter's Heart?
Yes, but not to each other. They will meet a brother and sister couple at a Willie Nelson concert and, well, it gets ugly here.

The source of Mat's luck:
Magic 8 - Ball

I'm only an old gleeman. Who could I possibly be dangerous to?
An even older gleeman.

Did you know Faile is only 15 years old?
Ooops … she LOOKED 18.

Jordan on Book 12
“It will suck.”

Dance well with a woman and she's halfways yours.
Dance crappy and she’ll beat your ass.

Dance with her, and she will forgive much; dance well, and she will forgive anything.
Step on her toes, and she will kill you.

The Creator made women to please the eye and trouble the mind.
If you don’t believe that, just get married. (Just kidding, Julie.)

How many more books (not counting Winter's Heart) will it take to finish WoT?
Good God, I was hoping this was it. Can we shoot for less than one?

Does 'Daughter of the Nine Moons' mean anything to you?
Yes. It means your daughter has nine asses.

Will Rand die in Knife of Dreams?
Hey! Let’s hear it for a nuclear holocaust!

Will any of the 'good guys' ever be turned to the Dark One by a circle of Myrddraal and Dreadlords?
Probably. Let's face it, the "good guys" are just a bunch of pansies.

Will Lan raise the Golden Crane banner in Winter's Heart?
No, but he will raise the price of premium unleaded at the local Amoco.

Do you have any idea how long it takes to dig graves for twenty-three oak trees?
Wouldn't it be easier to cremate a tree?

Who knows the least about women?
Richard Simmons

One pretty woman means fun at the dance. Two pretty women mean trouble in the house. Three pretty women mean run for the hills.
Four pretty women mean you're probably a Mormon.

What condition are your WoT books in?
Charred.

Often you don't know whether a woman is friend, enemy, or lover until it is too late. Sometimes, she is all three.
Sometimes, she is a man.

Some oaths are more important than others.
Like Quaker Oaths?

Order Knife of Dreams
It makes fantastic kindling.

After AMoL I will...
Burn down the bookstores.

Order The Hunt Begins and New Threads in the Pattern
Show everyone you don't care what they think about you.


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The text and design of these pages is copyrighted by Mike Mackert. All references to The Wheel of Time are copyrighted by Tor Books and Robert Jordan. All pictures from the collectible card game are copyrighted by Precedence Entertainment and their respective creators. All pictures from the RPG are copyrighted by Wizards of the Coast and their respective creators.

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